There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania
by Emersonian
Summary: Alternate version of Season 3, episodes 21-22. The time portal transported Hook and Emma to Transylvania in 2013. They meet Jonathan and accidentally stumble with him into Hotel Transylvania, a monsters-only hotel. As they deal with monsters and Count Dracula, who runs the hotel and wants them out of his castle, Hook and Emma must find a way back home!
1. Portal to Another Realm…Maybe?

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Portal to Another Realm…Maybe?

 _Present Day, in Storybrooke_

Thunder was clapping as the time traveling portal kept running in the barn. Emma and Hook just arrived in front of the doors as the former hung up her phone.

"It's Zelena's time portal!" she shouted through all the noise. "I just got a message from David. Somehow she died and triggered it!" Her hands began to aim for the door, but Hook restrained her.

"Don't! We should get out of here!" he said.

"Not until we find a way to close it!" Emma said, struggling to get off the pirate's grasp.

"You got your magic back?"

"No."

"Well then, we're not bloody well messing with any of this! Let's go!"

Suddenly, the doors of the barn opened, dragging Emma and Hook towards the portal. Just in the nick of time, Hook managed to anchor his hook in the ground in order to keep himself from falling off into the vortex. He held on to Emma's hand at the same time.

"Hold on!" he told her.

"I can't!" she screamed. And she was correct, for her grip slipped and she fell through the portal, screaming.

Hook sighed in disbelief: "One of these days, I'm gonna stop chasing that woman!"

Right when the portal was about to close, he let go and went through it.

 _Somewhere at some time_

They crash landed into a field of grass. The impact was hard enough to wake the two of them immediately. Hook was the first to get up while Emma was still having a hard time.

"Bloody hell, where are we?"

Emma looked around with Hook. They didn't seem to have traveled in the Enchanted Forest during the past, as Zelena had planned for the time portal to transport her. The duo landed in what appeared to be a mountain range with a diversity of trees and a range of grass.

"It doesn't look like the Enchanted Forest to me," Emma shrugged. She looked around until she saw what appeared to be a road. "Look, I think I see a road!"

They ran towards it, but to their surprise, they saw that it wasn't an old-fashioned dirt or stone road like in the old days. Instead, it was a concrete road like the ones in Storybrooke.

"Impossible!" Hook whispered. "Could it be that the blasted time portal didn't work?"

"I doubt it," Emma said. "See those mountains? We don't have any of these in Storybrooke. Maybe we traveled to another place but not at the same time."

"Yo, dudes!"

They turned to see who spoke to them. It was a young man who was walking from the other side of the road who spoke to them. He appeared to be in his early twenties and had messy red hair. His attire was that of a modern person with a yellow-and-green T-shirt over an orange shirt, light brown cargo shorts, and green sneakers. He had an enormous travelling backpack on him. Just by looking at him, he looked like a tourist.

"I confirm we are still in the 21st century," Emma whispered to Killian before addressing the young man. "Hi, could you tell us where we are? We… kind of forgot."

"Sure," the man said in a laid-back tone. "We're between the Carpathian Mountains and the Transylvanian Alps. In other words, this is TRANSYLVANIA, dudes!"

"Swan, what's Transylvania?" Hook whispered to Emma.

"A Romanian region in Europe. Home to monster legends, Dracula, and all the folklore nonsense." Emma returned to the young man. "And the date?"

"Thursday, June 12th, 2013," the young man answered.

It was official: Hook and Emma _did_ travel back in time. They traveled from December 10th, 2014 in Storybrooke, Maine, to June 12th, 2013, in Transylvania. So they went only one year ago, that's OK, but how to go back one year into the future? That was gonna be tough.

"Say, why don't you come along? You seem lost and I'm totally willing to buy you guys supplies when we head to town," the young man offered.

"You would willingly do that?" Hook frowned.

"Sure. Once, I travelled with this Brazilian dude and his bro in Costa Rica and he had zero cash on him. So I shared my cash with him and we had an epic beach party afterwards."

Hook gave a _what-on-earth-is-he-babbling about_ look to Emma, but she ignored it and accepted their new friend's offer.

"Thanks for your help," she said as they shook hands. "I'm Emma and this…is Killian. But we call him Hook because he has an actual hook."

"Really? That's totally killing it! Oh, by the way, I'm Jonathan."


	2. Let's Go Check Out A Spooky Forest!

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Let's Go Check Out A Spooky Forest!

Hook and Emma walked with Jonathan down the road until they could finally see a small town. From Hook's perspective, it seemed no different than Storybrooke with all the cars, modern lampposts, and weird communicating rocks called 'cellphones'. The town only looked different because the flat, well-sculpted stones used to hold the houses together and the roof tiles seemed old-fashioned, much like houses he had seen during his pirate travels in the Enchanted Forest.

"So…uh…Johnny, what brought you to Transylvania?" Emma asked their new companion.

"Oh, you know. Whatever attracts everyone," Johnny shrugged. "Spooky places, old castles, and cool legends. I just visited the Lubov Castle two days ago. It was awesome!"

"You seem rather young to be travelling."

"Dude, I'm just 21."

Emma's eyes widened. "Twenty-one? But… aren't you supposed to be in college?"

Johnny clung to his enormous backpack. "Well, you know what it's like. You got to live it up and see what's out there. I mean, would you rather stay cooped up at home or go explore the world?"

"I'm with you, mate," Hook smiled, causing Emma to give him a _what-are-you-doing_ glare, which he ignored. "I have done some sailing around the world."

"Whoa! You're an explorer too!" Johnny exclaimed. "Awesome! Looks like we'll have a lot of stories to share once we get a bit somewhere."

They arrived at a small sports store in the small store. The trio walked inside and Johnny helped them pick out supplies that they'd need: backpacks, canteens, spare shirts and trousers, sleeping bags, camping supplies, medical supplies, etc. While Johnny was at the cash register paying for the supplies, Emma pulled Hook to a corner.

"What do you think you're doing?" Emma scolded. "You can't tell him that you are a hundred your old pirate!"

"Well, Swan, unless you have a better solution for us getting back to our timeline, which is a year from this timeline, than play along!" He paused a bit. "Didn't you say this…Transylvania is a realm of vampires?"

"Well, yeah. Of monsters, witches, and whatnot," Emma said. "But their mostly myths that come from folklore stories and monster books that just make this place attracting more tourists daily. Why?"

"Think about it, Swan," Hook said in a serious tone. "A magical time portal transported us to a realm that is said to inhabit monsters. And where there are monsters, there's usually some sort of magic. Don't you think there might be a flat chance that we find something that could take us back to Storybrooke?"

Emma wanted to say something, but stopped herself. Hook made a good point: the time traveling portal that Zelena created was supposed to take her to a land with magic in order to complete her revenge. Zelena was unable to use the portal herself, and yet, when Emma and Hook were sucked into it, they went a year back in Romania, Europe, specifically in Transylvania, where monster legends were popular. That couldn't be a mere coincidence.

"You're right," she sighed. "So what should we do?"

"We stick with Johnny," Hook concluded. "Since he's traveling throughout Transylvania, we might be able to find clues on how to reopen the time portal."

"Hey, you guys alright?" Johnny asked, carrying the supplies in each hand before handing them to the duo.

"Yeah, we were…just talking about our honeymoon," Emma lied. It was now Hook's turn to glance at the woman who kept rejecting his advances, but he knew he had to play along.

"Of course! Our honeymoon! Yes, that's why we came to Transylvania! We were hoping to see if it would be a nice place to go after our wedding!" He put his hand on Emma's back, pretending that they were a couple, much to his chagrin.

"That sounds awesome!" Johnny said. "Who knows, maybe we'll find a cool place for you guys to honeymoon!"

 _Around 3pm_

They stayed at a small inn for a late lunch, which satisfied the time travelers, who were hungry. As they waited for their ordered food to come, Johnny was telling stories and showed interesting souvenirs and photos of the places he had visited.

"Wow, Johnny, you've been to Hagia Sophia?" Emma said, her voice full of interest as Johnny showed her and Hook a picture of him, in his current attire and enormous backpack, in front of the steps that led to the enormous cathedral mosque of Istanbul.

"Yeah, it was totally worth the visit!" Johnny nodded.

"It seems like it was very crowded," Hook pointed out.

"It was, dude. The place was crowded due to the summer season. You know, people love going near the sea when it's summertime, but I just rolled with it."

"I definetly agree with you, mate. Rolling with it is a good way to handle things." Hook gave a teasing look at Emma, who didn't budge.

"You know, your pirate imitation is pretty cool," Johnny commented. "Did you work at some attraction or was it when you were sailing around the world?"

Hook was hesitant at first, but he managed to come up with a lie. "Aye, it was during my travels. It cheers up the mood swings when you're sailing. And since I've done it for like years, I've become quite fluent in it."

"Awesome!" Johnny said.

Emma and Hook were rather amazed at how this world-travelling young man in his early twenties could be so laid-back. Hook kind of liked him due to having a sense of adventure himself. Emma, of course, internally couldn't believe that he'd given up the opportunity to settle down, go to college, and get a job, just so that he could see the world. As an orphan, outcast, and dejected person, she never believed in the realistic possibility of doing such a thing.

The owner of the inn, a large bearded man with a baldhead, came to their table and brought them their meals.

"There you go," he said in a thick Romanian accent. "One lentil soup for the lady, a tuna sandwich for the gentleman –interesting hook, by the way-, and a grilled cheese sandwich for their young friend." He placed the dishes in front of the trio, who thanked them. As they ate, the owner asked them what Transylvanian mystery attracted these Americans.

"Oh, well I'm helping these guys figure out a place for their honeymoon," Johnny said, speaking with his mouth full and pointing at the 'couple'. "We're gonna go hike to the Carpathian Mountains to check it out. I've heard that they have nice chalets and awesome ski resort there."

"That's right," Emma gave a fake smile, pretending to be the loving fiancée who held Hook by the hand.

"How sweet," the owner said.

"We're gonna take the Strigoi Trail in order to get there," Johnny added. "It's the quickest way."

The owner's face suddenly filled with horror. "The Strigoi Trail?! No! Don't take it!"

"Why not?" Hook frowned.

The owner trembled and began crying as he fell on a chair. A large woman, his wife, most likely, came to comfort him. "What my husband means is that the Strigoi Trail ends at the entrance of Padurea Intunecata," she said quietly.

"The what now?" Emma asked.

"It means 'Dark Forest' in our language," the woman explained. "Legends say that it is a spooky, haunted forest where nobody comes out…alive."

"IT'S TRUE!" the owner sobbed. "MY GRANDFATHER TOLD ME THAT MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER WENT INSIDE THAT FOREST AND WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN!"

"Now, now, Abraham," the woman said.

"Uh, excuse us for a second," Hook said, pulling Emma with him. "Honey, we need to talk about the wedding dress you're going to wear." He pulled her near the restrooms.

"Swan, do you know what I'm thinking?" he said.

"Hook, don't tell me that you want to go inside a forest that locals think is haunted," Emma groaned in disbelief.

"I do. Remember what I said: a magical time traveling portal brought us to a land that is said to inhabit monsters, thus magic. And where there is a haunted, dark forest where no one comes back alive…"

"…there's monsters, which means we might find magic that might bring us back home," Emma finished. "Since when did you become a genius?"

"When I hit myself on the head with a field of Romanian grass," Hook joked as they went to join Johnny.

 _Time skip_

The sun had already set by 8pm. The trio had decided to hike all the way through the Strigoi Trail, thanks to Johnny's insistence. The view was rather nice: large fields, small houses, farms, and churches. Hook found a nice field flower and smelled it, its loving scent filling his sorrow-filled heart.

They had reached the end of the trail after about 3 hours of walking. The trail was long enough for the travelers to no longer see any sign of civilization when they reached the end. The dark sky was now illuminated by only the full moon and a few stars. When the trio saw the entrance to the Dark Forest, they stopped. Unlike the welcoming, grassy fields full of flowers, houses, and sheep that were seen in the countryside, the Dark Forest was full of dark, bare trees with twisted branches and no leaves. The earth was dry with barely a single bit of grass. Thorn and dry leaf bushes populated the forest like an army of demons; the mist shrouded the pathway that led within the forest.

"This is the Dark Forest?" Emma asked.

"Now I understand why the inn owner was so scared," Hook remarked. "I myself would have run away screaming like a three-year-old girl if I went in there."

"C'mon, you guys!" Johnny urged. "Who would be dumb enough to go inside a spooky forest like this one. Let's go!"

The time travelers watched as Jonathan entered the forest as if he were just having a pleasant hike when they met him.

"He's crazy," Emma said, "but we have no choice. Let's go." She followed Johnny.

Hook gripped tightly on his backpack and grumbled: "Seriously, I'm really gonna have to stop chasing that woman."

He went after them into the Dark Forest, leaving a cloud of mist behind them.


	3. Check Out The Burning Bellhops

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Check Out The Burning Bellhops

The trio kept walking around the Dark Forest. It surprised the time travelers, especially Hook, on how the only sounds heard in every space they walked at where winds blowing through the branches, giving a sort of ghostly moan.

"I must say, Swan," Hook remarked. "I find it rather odd that we haven't heard a single wild animal ever since we stepped into this blasted forest."

"I agree with you," Emma said. "The Enchanted Forest and Neverland weren't _that_ quiet."

"Yo, guys! Check this out!" Jonathan called from up ahead. Emma and Killian rushed towards him, hoping that he found anything particular that could help them in their search, but their jaws dropped in disbelief when it was none other than a spider web that Johnny was taking pictures of with his Iphone.

"Seriously? _A spider web_?" Emma demanded.

"What? Spider webs are coo-WOOAAAAAAAH!" Johnny accidently tripped on the spider web and tumbled downhill.

"JOHNNY!" Hook and Emma shouted in unison. Taking a lot of precaution, they slid down the hill. After about 6 to 8 feet of sliding using their backpacks as sleds, they landed on flat land with quite a patch of dirt on their backpacks and shoes.

"Bloody hell! How do Transylvanians manage to even frolic in forests like this one?" Hook groaned as he got up and dusted himself off.

"Johnny! Where are you?" Emma called out.

"I'm here!" Johnny called. Emma and Hook found him looking down another hill.

"What are you looking at, mate?" Hook asked sarcastically. "A nest of spiders?"

"Much better!" Johnny pointed down the hill. Emma and Hook squinted, noticing something that looked like a Victorian village holding a bonfire in the main plaza.

"A village? But…I thought the inn owner said there weren't any people living in the Dark Forest or coming back out of it alive?" Emma questioned.

"Who cares? Let's go check it out!" Johnny began walking down the hill in order to reach the village.

"He's such a slacker," Emma muttered.

"Well, we can thank this _slacker_ for finding this place," Hook said. "A village that's not supposed to exist? It sounds like magic to me."

"Or a Potemkin village," Emma suggested as they walked down the hill. "Lot's of countries build fake towns in order to give tourists fake impressions of a perfect town."

"Then let's check it out."

After about ten minutes of going down the hill and through a maze of twisted bushes and trees, they managed to reach Johnny, who was watching from an alley. Turns out Emma was right: the town was fake. They could see pieces of the buildings being broken apart like wooden platforms used to make stage props. Even the brick-textured road they were standing on was made of wood when Hook managed to scrap out a piece with his hook.

"You were right, Swan," Hook concluded. "This village is nothing put a fake setup."

"I get that, but who would want to put out a fake town like this in a forest excluded from the nearest civilization?" Emma pondered.

"Guys!" Johnny motioned to the two. "Check out these freaky looking-dudes on fire!"

"Freaky looking-dudes on fire?" Hook and Emma walked to Johnny's side to see what he was talking about. They soon saw that he was referring to a group of individuals that were burning alive while walking at the same time. Emma was the first to notice something weird about the clothing the crowd was wearing.

"Guys, there wearing bellhop outfits," Emma remarked.

"What's a bellhop?" Hook asked, confused.

"It's a dude who carries your luggage in a hotel," Johnny answered as he took photos of the burning bellhops.

"Hotel?" Hook looked at Emma confusingly.

"Think of Granny's Diner and Inn, only much bigger," she responded.

"Let's follow them!" Johnny said, immediately following the burning bellhops as they marched away from the village. As the flaming parade walked through the forest with the three human stowaways, Hook and Emma whispered to one another.

"Swan, is it normal for…hotel bellhops to walk while being burned alive as if they had been doing this for a long time?" Hook asked.

Emma shrugged. "Not really, Hook. I think you might be right about magic being around here. I'd be ashes by know if I didn't have so sort of special protection against fire…"

"Plus, a burning crowd in a Dark Forest where nobody comes out alive? Doesn't sound normal to me."

They followed the bellhops, who then walked under a secret tunnel that revealed itself by opening the ground. They walked for over five minutes until they finally reached the other end.

"Well, this isn't something that you see every day," Hook said as he and Emma looked in shock and Johnny took photos at the place they just arrived at.

For standing before them, across a stone bridge, above a dark moat, and surrounded by shrouds of mist, stood an ancient castle that they didn't know existed when they came here.


	4. Be Franken-Homies In A Monster Hotel

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Be Franken-Homies In A Monster Hotel

"Awesome!" Johnny took out his Iphone and took a picture of the castle that lay before them. "C'mon, dudes! Let's go check it out!" As they followed Johnny across the stone bridge, Hook and Emma whispered to one another.

"Swan, I think we're approaching a place full of magic," the pirate said quietly.

"I'm beginning to agree with you at a hundred percent, Hook," Emma nodded. "A dark forest where nobody comes out alive and there's a fake village where we found bellhops walking while being burned alive at the same time and followed them through a secret tunnel that led to this hidden castle? This has got to have magic in it. Who knows, maybe we'll find our way back to Storybrooke there."

"Still, Swan. There's something I don't get: if bellhops work at what you called 'hotels', than why did we find a pack of them going to this castle?"

"I wish I knew, Hook."

They made their way to the revolving doors, only for Johnny to get stuck in the process thanks to his enormous bag. The adults had to push him through the doors for at least five minutes until they managed to finally get inside. Johnny sighed in relief.

"Swan…" Hook stammered, motioning Emma to look around them. The Savior's eyes nearly popped out of their eyeballs.

They were inside what appeared to be the main hall of the castle. Red banners with a golden hotel logo initialed HT were hanging from the ceiling. What shocked Emma were the people, no, the creatures that filled the hall: monstrous-looking creatures that Emma had only seen or envisioned in horror movies or Halloween.

"God…" Emma gasped.

"Swan. Look." Hook nudged her on the elbow and pointed to the ceiling with his hook. Emma gasped at what she saw: stereotypical green-skinned women dressed in French maid outfits were flying about in broomsticks.

"Witches," Emma said, her face brightening. "Maybe they…"

Emma couldn't finish her sentence because something pulled her, Hook, and Johnny back to the revolving doors, causing the revolving doors to spin faster than a merry-go-round. Slightly dizzy from the process, they saw what pulled them back in the doors with such inhuman strength: a man who could have been around Hook's age with groomed, raven hair, a black gentleman's outfit (like literally, his shirt, his pants, his tie, and his shoes were all black), and a black cape with a pointed collar and purple on the inside. What really disturbed Emma and Hook were the man's deathly pale skin and his inhuman, cold, teal eyes.

"Who are you and how did you find this place?" the man asked angrily in a thick, yet angry, Romanian accent. Hook felt Emma trembling when they noticed that the man had fangs in his mouth.

 _Vampire_ , their faces said nervously.

As for that good-old crazy Johnny, he acted like it was no big deal. "Oh, I'm Jonathan, and these are my new pals, Emma and Hook. I met them after I went mountain climbing with a couple of dudes. Then, we heard stories about a spooky forest, and who's dumb enough to not go to a spooky forest? Then, we see these weird-looking dudes on fire, so we kinda followed them to this amazing castle."

"That was practically the short, yet dumb way of making a resume of the trip," Hook muttered. The vampire had a brief look of shock before questioning them again.

"How many of you are there?" he asked in a rather anxious tone.

"Relax, it's just the three of us…" Emma began.

"Usually, I like to hit it off alone. You get to meet a whole lot of awesome people at the youth hostels. And speaking of awesome, that cape thing is KILLING IT!" Johnny said in an exaggerating tone.

Before the humans could say anything, the vampire grabbed them against him as if he didn't want anybody to see them and pulled them inside a storage closet before shutting the door behind them.

"Are you alright, Swan?" Hook asked as he helped Emma get up.

"I'm fine?" Emma looked angrily at the vampire. "What is wrong with you? Did you seriously have to bring us here?"

"Not really big for a hotel room, but it will do," Johnny shrugged as Emma and Hook glared at him in disbelief. _Why the heck did we agree to go with this guy?_ They asked themselves mentally. "Wow, check out these dust panners!"

"Quiet, you three!" the vampire muttered. He pulled Johnny to a corner and began pulling things out of his bag. Emma and Hook could only watch at the scene with disturbed faces. "What do you keep in this bag? Where are your torches? Your pitchforks?"

"Either I'm dreaming, or this guy is just as outdated as you are Hook," Emma said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hook frowned. Before Emma could answer, they kept being interrupted by the vampire's screams: first when he had a smell at one of Johnny's hell-smelly shirts and lastly when Johnny played loud music from his Iphone once he put earbuds on the vampire's ears. The latter finally got to his angry senses.

"You have to go. No human has ever come here! And if anyone sees you…the hotel's security…this sanctuary! Nobody would ever return!" He panicked.

"I assume it explains why we saw burning bellhops in the forest and witches dressed as maids in the castle," Hook said to Emma.

"We shouldn't be wasting time, Hook! We've got to look for…"

"You aren't going to look for anything in this hotel!" the vampire interrupted the two adults. "Because you're leaving instantly!"

"Then what's your bloody idea of getting the three of us out of this closet and into a room filled with monsters?" Hook snapped.

"Woah! Hook, Emma! Check out these cool costumes!" Johnny said as he looked through a rack full of worn-out clothes and jackets.

"Costumes." The vampire's face brightened as he pulled Johnny's backpack off the young man's back and put it aside.

"Uh, dude. I can't leave my backpack. Everything I need is in there," Johnny said.

"It's fine where it is, Johnny!" Emma snapped as she and Hook took off theirs and put them next to Johnny's. She then turned to the grinning vampire. "So what's your plan?"

 _Several minutes later_

The vampire pulled the humans out of the closet and dragged them towards the revolving door, reassuring passing monsters that everything was normal with 'these' monsters.

Yep, he disguised the humans as Frankenstein-looking monsters. All of them had their skin painted in blue and fake stitches on their necks, arms, and legs. Johnny was given an over-sized blue trench coat and had his hair gelled upwards as if he got electrocuted. Emma had her hair tied in a messy, 1960s style bun. She wore a cotton turtleneck, a navy blue mini skirt, and black high-heel shoes. Hook kept his pirate clothes on but he had to roll his sleeves. His hair was groomed in a way similar to the one of the vampire.

"Check it out! We're Franken-homies!" Johnny said in delight as they were dragged closer to the door.

"Swan! We have to do something! He's dragging us out of the hotel!" Hook whispered desperately to Emma.

It all seemed hopeless until suddenly, out of nowhere…

" _Monsieur_ Dracula!"


	5. Johnny Crash-Lands On Dracula's Daughter

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Johnny Crash-Lands On Dracula's Daughter

A small hunchback dressed in a dirty chef outfit appeared in front of them as he hung on to a dangling rope.

"Hey, there, ugly," Johnny said as the chef looked at him in confusing. 'Monsieur Dracula', afraid of the unwanted guest being recognized as humans, pulled them behind his back. While Johnny still looked as if everything was awesome, Emma and Hook looked fearful.

"Not now, Quasimodo!" Monsieur Dracula said. A rat suddenly popped from the top of Quasimodo's hat and landed on the vampire's chest, sniffing on his clothes. He watched as the rat squeaked at the hunchback.

"What?" Quasimodo asked. The rat continued squeaking. Sweat began leaking down from Dracula's forehead.

"No, Esmeralda, don't be absurd! This isn't a human but Monsieur Dracula!" the hunchback said, praising the vampire, in a thick French accent.

"Y-Yes. It's me!" Dracula laughed nervously. Understanding that the rat could have them exposed, Hook quickly grabbed Esmeralda with his hand off the vampire's shoulder and threw her into a nearby elevator. As Dracula and Quasimodo were having a conversation involving deviled lizard fingers and spleens in blankets, Hook and Emma whispered to one another.

"Swan, didn't you mention something about a 'Dracula' when we arrived in Transylvania?" Hook asked.

"The world's most infamous vampire. The Prince of Darkness himself," Emma gasped. "I can't believe it. We traveled a year back to modern day Transylvania and ended up in a monster hotel led by Count Dracula!"

"And the hunchback? Quasimodo, was it?"

"From Victor Hugo's novel NOTRE-DAME DE PARIS. Plus, there was also a movie about him. But what's Quasimodo doing in a monster hotel? He's just a deformed human."

"No time for that, Swan. We have to figure out a way to avoid Dracula in order to get the magic we need from this blasted place in order to get back home."

"Wait! Where's Johnny?"

Dracula, who had been watching Quasimodo hit a gargoyle waiter with a tray of food, gave his attention to the humans when he heard Emma mentioning Johnny's disappearance. "Where's your red-headed friend?" he demanded.

A shrill scream echoed in the hall: Johnny, who had 'accidently' discovered that a moving female skeleton was real, was freaking out about the fact that he was actually standing in a hotel full of actual monsters. For some reason, a band of mariachi skeletons began playing fast music as Johnny ran throughout the lobby, trying desperately to escape this monster-filled place while screaming and bumping into other monsters in the process.

"Does he always scream that much?" Dracula asked as he, Emma, and Hook ran after Johnny.

"Who knows, mate. We've only met him today," Hook said."

"I thought you we're his parents." Dracula frowned.

"OK, for one, we aren't dating," Emma rolled her eyes as she struggled to move about in her heels. "And for two, if you think Johnny's my son, then I would have given birth at the age of eleven."

Johnny's screams got their attention and the trio saw that Johnny had now accidently grabbed a witch's broomstick and was now recklessly flying above the lobby. The broomstick flew in zigzags and spirals until it flew downwards towards one of the stairs, right where a female werewolf and a girl dressed in black were standing. The girl raised her eyes in shock as Johnny dove at her direction and crash-landed on her, sending them off the staircase and onto the main floor. Hook and Emma watched as Johnny and the girl locked their eyes on one another. Dracula seemed to freak out and immediately went in between the two and held out his cape in front of Johnny. While he talked with the girl, Hook and Emma rushed to Johnny.

"You really have a tendency in getting us in messes," Emma hissed as she and Hook helped Johnny get up.

"Oh, my head hurts!" Johnny groaned as he put a hand on his forehead.

"Um, who is that?" the girl's voice was heard from the other side of Dracula's cape.

"Who's what? Oh, you mean that!" Dracula said nervously. "That is…uh…nobody!"

"Seriously, Dad?"

The humans were shocked by the last words. Johnny pulled away Dracula's cape in order to see the girl while Hook and Emma looked from behind his shoulders.

"DAD?" they said in unison.

"I know," the girl said in exasperation. "Dracula's daughter. Everybody freaks out at first…"

" **DRACULA?** " Johnny yelped.

"OK, we gotta go!" Dracula said quickly. He wrapped up the humans in his cape and flew away from the lobby, leaving his daughter with a suspicious look.


	6. Party Planner With His Aunt And Uncle

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Party Planner With His Aunt And Uncle

Dracula forced the humans into an empty, medieval like hotel room. A screaming Johnny instantly ran towards the window, banging the glass frantically.

"Look here, mate!" Hook angrily told the vampire as he got yanked into the room. "We aren't leaving until we…"

"You will leave, whether you like it or not!" Dracula said in a rather cold tone, which made Hook frighten in shock.

"Easy there!" Emma began defending Hook. "There's no reason to…"

"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I'M SO YOUNG! THERE'S SO MANY PLACES I WANT TO SEE!" Johnny kept screaming. "I GOT SIX TICKETS TO DAVE MATTHEWS BAND CONCERTS! OH, I'M OUTTA HERE!" He opened a trapdoor and jumped in it.

"Get back here, Johnny!" Emma said as she rushed to the trapdoor. "You don't what's in…" She was cut off by some monster's roar that shook the room and made Johnny run back up, screaming all the way until he climbed up a drapery by the side of the bed like a cat climbing a tree.

"Your son was a lot more mature than this redhead, Swan," Hook groaned as he sat down on a small chair near a knight's armor. Emma, in the meantime, tried to tug Johnny down from the drapery.

"Shut up already," Dracula said as he walked towards the trapdoor. "It's impossible for me to think with all your yapping." He bent down and gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Glen! Go back to sleep!" He shut the trapdoor, followed by another roar that shook the room. He walked towards the humans and stopped, watching them.

"Wait, aren't you going to suck our blood?" Johnny asked. His question got the attention of Emma and Hook and an exasperated groan from Dracula.

"Ugh! Classic human paranoia!" He sat down in front of the bed and held his head in his hands. "Human blood is fatty and you don't know where it's been."

"Don't tell me," Emma rolled her eyes. "You're a vegetarian like Edward Cullen."

"Who?" Dracula frowned in confusion.

"Forget what she said," Hook quickly said.

"So, Dracula doesn't drink blood?" Johnny asked.

"No, I drink blood substitutes," the vampire said calmly. "Either near blood or blood beaters. You can't tell the difference."

"Ooooh-kay," Emma said.

"So, like…wow!" Johnny said excitedly, much to Dracula's confusion. "You're like _the_ Count Dracula. Like 'I'm Dracula. Blah, blah, blah'!" Johnny made a Hollywood pose of Dracula. Emma chuckled while Hook face palmed himself.

"I've never such a thing in my life," Dracula said, referring to the 'blah, blah, blah' that Johnny made. "I don't know where that comes from."

"Well, for one it ain't from the Enchanted Forest," Hook slipped out. Emma gave him a 'zip it!' gesture.

"I should have known you two came from the Enchanted Forest," Dracula said, pointing at Emma and Hook. "The smell of pine from that realm is vague, but still visible on you."

"The smell of pine?" Emma frowned.

"Most humans back in the Enchanted Forest smell like pine due to its populous presence," Hook explained.

"You guys are from another world?" Johnny asked. "Awesome!"

"NO! Not awesome!" Emma snapped, making the three males in the room jump. "We're from this world, only one year in the future, and got dragged by a time portal that led us from Storybrooke, Maine, to Transylvania, in Europe, and unless we find a way back to the future, we might be stuck here forever!"

"Alright! That's enough!" Dracula made a red roaring face that showed his bare fangs. "We'll deal with your 'time traveling issues' outside of here! Understood?" Emma nodded, frustrated.

"Uh, I have one question," Johnny said. "What is this place?"

"What is this place?" Dracula walked towards the window, which opened and blew a current that made his cape move. "What is this place? It's a place I built, for all those monsters out there lurking in the shadows. Hiding from the persecution of human kind. A place for them and their families to come to and be themselves. A place void of torches, pitchforks, angry mobs. A place of peace, relaxation, and tranquility!"

Hook and Emma were amazed by his speech.

"That…was amazing, mate," Hook complimented.

"Thank you," Dracula said.

"Cool, so it's like a hotel for monsters?" Johnny asked. Hook and Emma gave him a dumbfound look while Dracula looked irritated.

"Yes, it's a hotel for monsters. Way to sum it up. Ok! Hop on my back, we're leaving!" At that, he transformed into a red-eyed bat and grabbed Johnny by the collar.

"Wow! You're a bat now!" Johnny said excitedly. "I always wanted to fly. What's it like?"

Hook and Emma rushed to the balcony as Dracula flew out the window, carrying Johnny, who was still babbling about staying at the hotel and meeting the other monsters, until a blue-eyed bat came in the way.

"Mavy!" Dracula chuckled nervously. "What are you doing here, my bloody orange? Our friends were just leaving!"

"He was planning on taking us out the window!" Emma called out from the balcony. Dracula shot a death glare at her before chuckling nervously and bringing Johnny back to the room.

"They're so funny!" He transformed back into his normal self. "Oh, look! You've got some stain on your nose!" He then gave a death tone. "Play along, you three, if you ever want to see your precious backpacks again!" Hook rolled his eyes while Johnny gulped nervously until the other bat came in and transformed to a normal girl. To the human adults' surprise, it was none other than the girl Johnny had accidently bumped into back in the lobby. Dracula's daughter.

"Wow. So wait, you didn't have any clothes on while you were a bat, or we're they bat-sized?" Johnny asked. "OUCH!" This word came after Emma slapped him, indicating that what he was saying was incredibly impolite. Dracula gave a quick 'Thank God!' look.

"Who exactly are they?" the girl asked, which made Dracula nervous until he came up with an idea.

"Honey bat, you see, I wanted you to have the bestest birthday party ever…so…I...needed some help!" he lied, mentioning Johnny.

" _You_ needed help?" the girl asked with disbelief.

"He's never asked for help before?" Hook asked, pointing at Dracula with his hooked hand.

"Nope."

"Look, I am the best, but I thought that your birthday would be even bestest if someone close to your age helped me out," Dracula said, once again referring to Johnny.

"You're my age?" Mavis asked Johnny in a rather excited tone.

"Sure…well, how old are you?" Johnny asked.

"118."

"One hundred…!" Johnny began exclaiming before Dracula elbowed him in the stomach. "Yeah, well, I'm 121."

"Really?" Johnny nodded at the girl's question. "And what about you guys?" She asked to Emma and Hook.

"Well…" Emma began before Hook cut her off.

"She's is aunt and she and I have just been betrothed last week. We were supposed to go on a trip to figure out where our honeymoon could be, and right when our nephew got your father's invitation to help him plan the party here at the hotel, we also got free passes to stay at the hotel and try it out to see if it would be great for our honeymoon," Hook said. "Isn't that right, love?"

"Right," Emma said drily.

"You have to excuse her. She's still grumpy from the trip."

"Well, congratulations on your future wedding!" the girl said before turning to her father. "That was so nice of you to give them a free vacation here at the hotel."

"Yes," Dracula said. "So, as you can see, he's helping me out while they enjoy their trip. Everything is normal…"

"SIR! There's an emergency!" the armor suddenly spoke, shocking the disguised humans.

"Not now! Can't you see we're in the middle of something normal?" Dracula said sternly while Johnny went to goof off with the armor.

"Wait, what's going on?" the girl asked. "You just learned that there's an emergency in your precious hotel and you're not rushing to fix it? Why? Is it because of them?"

"No, my precious ghoul. It's not because of them."

"Good, then you go fix the emergency while you show the hotel to the couple and I'll keep him company…"

"NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"What?"

"Because he needs time to plan. And if you're keeping him company, he isn't planning. He's…keeping company."

"Plus, we need to check on his manners," Emma joined in. "I don't know if he gets it from my side of the family." She watched as Hook was struggling to remove the armor's helmet from Johnny's head.

"Mmh-hmm. Smooth," the voodoo doorknob said once Dracula opened the door and gave the head a deadly 'Shut up!'

"OK, so, maybe if you aren't busy, we can't hang out together?" the girl asked Johnny.

"Sounds good to me," he said, before Dracula ushered his daughter outside the room.

"Yes, you hear that? It sounds good. You guys will hang out later." Once his daughter was out of the room, he shut the door close and went back to the humans. "OK, you guys are not hanging out because you are leaving!" He began moving his hands on the wall.

"But the opposite you said…" Johnny said until Dracula pushed a brick and the wall opened, revealing a secret passage.

"Nice passage," Emma said.

"But sir! The emergency!" the helmet on Johnny's head said until Hook forced it off Johnny's head and threw it on the floor.

"Follow me." Dracula turned back into a bat and flew into the tunnel, followed by the three humans.


	7. Passages, Cousins, and Party Music

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Passages, Cousins, and Party Music

Led by Dracula, who was holding a torch in order to see what laid ahead, Johnny, Hook, and Emma walked down a dark passage.

"So where are we going?" Johnny asked.

"I'm getting rid of you three through a secret passage that even she doesn't know about," Dracula said. The unwanted guest didn't have to guess that he was referring to his daughter Mavis.

Emma's head was full of questions: how did Dracula know about the Enchanted Forest? Why did he want Mavis to stay as far away from them as possible? And would he help them go back to Storybrooke?

"Can I ask you a question?" Johnny asked, watching the count briefly turn his head towards him. "Is it true about the garlic thing?"

"I cannot have it. My throat swells," Dracula said. He stopped ahead and the humans proceeded into doing the same thing. They had just arrived in an area full of different pathways leading to different passages. The group stayed still as Dracula figured out which they needed to take to get out.

"Huh…how about the wooden stake at the heart?" Johnny asked as soon as Dracula started heading towards a passage.

"Yeah, well, who wouldn't _that_ kill?" he asked sarcastically. They walked down the passage until they reached a dead end. The vampire grumbled as he turned back and tried another passage.

"So how exactly do you know about the Enchanted Forest, mate?" Hook asked Dracula as they walked through the darkness.

"I tried to find a place to settle in peace there over 3 centuries ago," the vampire answered. "But with the rumors going on about evil gods exterminating civilizations like insects, humans didn't want to have a single monster near them. You have no idea of the amount of angry mobs I had to avoid until I could find a portal to this world."

"Well, if it pleases you mate, every human in the Enchanted Forest has been cursed twice." Hook gave a small amused chuckle at what he just said. Emma, however, did not look as amused as he was.

"If I weren't so busy trying to get you three out of this hotel, I would have taken out drinks to celebrate. Ah! Here we go!" Dracula grabbed a torch holder that was hanging on the wall and pulled it down. Instantly, the wall opened the same way the one that showed the secret passage did earlier. Unfortunately, they had arrived in a pinkish room where two fleas were making love. Dracula was embarrassed, Johnny was fascinated, and Hook and Emma both made a mental note to wash their hair as soon as they return to Storybrooke.

"I'M SO SORRY!" Dracula gasped, apologizing to the two fleas. "We're a bit lost. Yes, I know it's your honeymoon. We're sorry. Go back to doing what you're doing!" He then proceeded into dragging the humans out of the room, closing the wall, and going again through a series of tunnels.

"I hardly go down here," he said. "These tunnels were meant to be an exit for monsters if humans ever invaded.

"So Emma, Hook, and I are like the first humans here?" Johnny asked fascinated. "That's really cool!"

"Gee, now I can tell that you really want us out of your precious hotel," Emma told Dracula drily.

"Swan, not now," warned Hook.

"Thank you!" Dracula said in relief just as they arrived in front of another torch holder. "I think this it." He pulled down the torch holder and caused the wall to open, only to end up freaking out a female skeleton who was in the middle of the shower. And it did not help that it was the same female skeleton that Johnny had accidently offended earlier today. After getting chased away by her husband, who had thrown a bone sponge at Dracula's face after screaming: "WHAT IS _WRONG_ WITH YOU PEOPLE?", the trio went back through the maze, which varied from narrow tunnels to staircases that nearly made Johnny and Emma fall into an endless abyss unless Dracula and Hook had caught them. Finally, after several more tunnels, they had reached a third torch holder.

"Alright," Dracula said. "Third time's the..." He didn't finish his sentence when the wall opened to some sort of cafe with a bar (designed like a mad science lab) that was hosting some sort of wrestling between Frankenstein, a werewolf and who-knows-how-many pups, a mummy, and three zombies that looked like Beethoven, Mozart, and Bach.

"That's...something you don't see everyday," Emma remarked.

"Well, this is amusing, if you ask me," Hook chuckled. Meanwhile, Dracula was having a hard time closing the wall again with the torch holder, which must have been jammed. This didn't last long, since Frankenstein noticed him.

"Drac!" he called out, causing the count to push the humans out of sight.

"Yes...Frankie?" Drac asked.

"Hey, buddy. What are you doing?"

"Don't move," Dracula whispered to the humans before walking towards the cafe and berating Frankie and the other monsters.

"So...you guys come from the future?" Johnny asked Emma and Hook while they were hiding in the shadows.

"A year from now," Emma said.

"Sounds cool," Johnny said excitedly. "First, a hotel full of monsters and now a couple of time travelers? Awesome."

"I'm sorry, mate, but how come you aren't exactly afraid of monsters?" Hook asked. "I mean, I must admit that I'd think of monsters being chased by mobs the same way Dracula perceived them."

"Dude, it's the 21st century. People love monsters!"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Dracula's daughter appeared, hanging upside like any stereotypical vampire. Her sudden presence surprised the disguised humans.

"Hey," she said. "What are you doing here? I thought you were planning." She then landed normally on the ground.

"I...uh. I never caught your name," Johnny said.

"My name's Mavis."

"Mavis. That's a pretty neat name."

"I second that one," Hook grinned, causing Emma to give him a face.

"Yeah, my mom picked it." Mavis blushed briefly. "So...are you guys gonna tell me your names?"

"Me? Oh, my name. Good question," Johnny temporarily panicked. "Well, obviously I'm Frankenstein." Emma face palmed herself in exasperation.

"No you're not," Mavis chuckled. "Frankenstein is my uncle over there. The gentleman hugging Zombie Mozart." She quickly used her hand to motion Frankie, who was giving a headlock to Zombie Mozart, who gave a 'God have mercy!' face.

"Of course he's your uncle," Emma said. "What my nephew meant is that he's not THE Frankenstein, but his cousin Johnnystein. And I'm Emmastein and my fiancé is Killianstein."

"Johnnystein, Emmastein, and Killianstein?" Mavis asked. A spider appeared and greeted Mavis, which freaked out Johnny and made him stumble into right into the cafe. Emma and Hook rushed to help him get up while Dracula stood between them and an angry Frankie.

"Who...are...THEY?" he asked in a deep tone, pointing at the trio.

"Oh! Are these monsters gonna kill us?" Johnny whispered.

"Not as long as they think you are monsters," Dracula whispered back.

"Isn't that kind of racist?" Emma asked.

"We'll talk later."

So Emma and Hook got up and tried to look normal until they saw Johnny walking and groaning like the stereotypical Frankenstein, which seemed to confused Frankie and make Dracula even more nervous.

"Is he making fun of me?" Frankie asked.

"No! No, he's..." Dracula tried to come up with an excuse while Emma slapped Johnny back to reality until Mavis arrived, sitting on the bar.

"He's your cousin Johnnystein," she said. "And these are his aunt Emmastein and his future uncle Killianstein."

"Yes, yes," Dracula grinned, gladly accepting the fake cover story.

"I...don't have no cousin," Frankie said.

"Actually, you do," Hook said. "He's your sixth cousin..."

"On your right arm's side!" Johnny added while pointing to his arm. This made Frankie look at his right arm and ask it if it had a cousin.

"Frank, if your arm could talk, he'd tell you that its original owner had a brother..." Dracula began.

"Who married a woman..." Johnny joined in.

"Who was..." Dracula made the head slicing gesture on his throat.

"For strangling a pig!" Johnny finished.

"I have pig-strangling blood in my arm? That's kinda cool. Well, cuz, cuz's auntie and future uncle, great to meet you!" He gave them all a big bear hug, which nearly choked them.

"Yes...great to meet you too!" Emma gasped until Frankie let them go. Lesson learned: never receive a bear hug from Frankenstein. They got to meet the other monsters: Murray the fun-loving mummy, Wayne the werewolf overwhelmed with kids, and Griffin the Invisible Man. Griffin asked what brought the trio here, so Johnny explained that while 'Johnnystein' was recruited by Dracula to help him with Mavis' birthday party, 'Emmastein' and 'Killianstein' were granted free access to the hotel in order to see if it was the right place for a honeymoon.

"Wait a minute!" Murray asked in confusion. " _You_ ask someone to help _you_ and gave _free_ access to the hotel?"

"Captain Control Freak?" Wayne added. The nickname made Emma chuckle while Dracula straightened his collar.

"It's 'Count', and yes I thought having a Mavis contemporary would be useful," he said.

"Yeah!" Johnny added. "He totally needed a fresher perspective." Dracula looked annoyed while Wayne and Frankie explained to Johnny that, while Mr. Tight Coffin (Dracula) wanted the zombie composers to play at the party, they thought they could liven things up a bit. So after Johnny requested that the group showed them what they got, the group got on stage and began singing a song (with Frankie and Murray at the guitars, Griffin at the drum set, and Wayne at the piano).

Frank: _Girl...I can't believe it's your big night._

Murray: _Seems like only yesterday, you were eating mosquitoes._

Wayne and Griffin: _But now you're eating frogs and mice._

Frankie: _Scoffing them down like Doritos._

All: _Tell me where did the times go girl..._

"Whoa, whoa, guys. Stop," Johnny said, which was a relief for Emma and Hook, because they felt like they just heard a country music band trying to sing opera. "That's cute but kind of old school."

"Yes, thank you Johnny!" Dracula said, with the zombie composers agreeing behind him.

"You totally got to tempo things up! Here, let me show you!" He got up on stage and grabbed Murray's guitar. "Werewolf Man, give me a jam! Two, three, four!" And he began playing a rock song, which attracted and fascinated several monsters excluding Dracula, who was too shocked for words.

Johnny: _Vampire girl with the fangy fangs,_

 _Hair real cute with the bangy bangs._

 _Little princess gonna be a queen,_

 _Legal bat lady turning one-eighteen._

Crowd: _One-eighteen!_

Johnny: _She's one-eighteen!_

Crowd: _One-eighteen!_

"Wow, he's good," Emma said in amazement.

"I second that," Hook said just as Johnny did a stage dive but instead of getting caught by the crowd, he landed on the floor, which didn't seem to make a difference at all to him. Hook and Emma watched as the amazed monsters began to gather around Johnny and suggest ways they could make the party totally awesome. For a moment, things looked great until Dracula levitated above the crowd and summoned a gust of wind to make them calm down.

"We're not doing any of that!" he declared. "We've got to stay on schedule! Alright!"

"Alright, Dad, we got it," Mavis moaned before she and the other monsters went back to Johnny, begging him to join them. The count ended up glaring daggers at the crowd.

"I think I understand now why he's called 'Captain Control Freak'," Hook whispered to Emma.


	8. From Boring To Not-So Boring

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

From Boring To Not-So Boring

Among the many things Emma, Hook, and Johnny had learned so far about Dracula is that his ideas of fun were downright medieval.

After the scenario in the cafe, it was the beginning of the activity schedule, and the first one on the list was bingo. Emma was slightly familiar with bingo: it was among the games almost every single foster system she had attended had. Of course, it wasn't a game that she enjoyed playing while she was still stuck in the foster system, but the way Dracula hosted bingo activities in Hotel Transylvania literally made the Savior miss the old foster system.

The bingo game went like this: it took place in the hotel's library, which looked like a dull, gray library that you would find in a very old college. Three tables were lined up and each of them was filled with diverse monsters, each of them stamping the number that the activities director, an ancient gremlin lady, called out on their card. But everyone was stamping their cards dully and slowly, with no joy coming out of their faces. Even the sad music playing in the speakers didn't help. So far, it seemed like the only thing interesting about the game to the humans was that monsters used talking rat skulls as numbered balls when playing bingo.

"N-27," called out the activities director in a quiet, joyless tone over the microphone. It seemed like even she wasn't having fun.

Emma gave a small stamp on her bingo card since she had the number N-27. At her right sat Eunice, Frankie's wife, the Bride Of Frankenstein herself. Eunice and 'Emmastein' briefly met while they were heading to the bingo game with the other monsters, and it took Emma less than fifteen seconds to conclude that Eunice was the kind of woman dressed like in the 50s who henpecked her husband and liked to be heard. She even had made a comment on how she was jealous that whichever doctor made Emma and Killian had done such a great job at designing 'Killianstein' as a hotie.

"Honey, you'd better not lose a guy like this," she had said. "They don't exactly fall from the sky."

This was one of those moments when Emma wished that Hook had kept his mouth shut and didn't come up with a fake cover story that claimed he and Emma were planning their honeymoon. God damnit, why was this pirate so annoying? Hadn't Emma make herself clear that she wasn't interested in him?

Meanwhile, at the next table, Dracula was enthusiastically stamping the number on his card. He tried to give a big smile to his fellow players, but he received none of their attentions, not even the dull ones. Even his own daughter, Mavis, was bored as she stamped her card. Johnny, who was sitting next to her, was on the verge of dozing off and nearly melted onto the table until he woke up as if he were a student being scolded by a teacher for sleeping in class. Hook, for his part, was sitting on the other side of the table, just facing Johnny, and since he didn't know how to play bingo, he scratched the table's surface with his hook. "God have mercy," he groaned.

"G-61," called out the activities director. Eunice glanced at her card and stamped the number. When she realized she had a bingo, she screamed 'Bingo!' twice like a fanatic so loudly that Emma had to cover her ears. Fortunately, Eunice's other neighbor, a much older gremlin lady, took less than a second to gobble down Eunice's card along with her bingo.

"How dare you! Do you know which doctor made me?" Eunice asked the old gremlin lady in a tone that was both sassy and angry.

"I didn't do that," the old gremlin lady said simply. Emma chuckled to herself when she visualized the gremlin lady with a fake halo on her head whenever she said: ' _I didn't do that._ '

 _Time skip_

If bingo wasn't boring enough, charades was ten times worse.

It was the next activity taking place, and this time, it was taking place in a duller version of an indoor basketball court minus the nets, the field marks, and the fun.

While many monsters including the disguised humans were dully sitting on the gray stoned bleachers, two groups were sitting on the floor playing charades. And none of them were getting hot in guessing the answer.

"Circles?" a monster guessed as the Fly, Hotel Transylvania's fitness coordinator, made his charade signs.

"The Fly?" another guessed.

"Hands?"

"Film?"

The Fly then spit in his hands and began rubbing them, which was rather disgusting from Emma's perspective. The two monsters guessed things like vomit, The Vomit, or The Throw Up, which sounded even more disgusting. And of course, the tragic part was that it wasn't a clue.

"Granny's Diner was less boring than this," Hook whispered in Emma's ears. She gave a simple nod. As for Dracula, no need to add more details: he was once again the only one giddy among the crowd of dullness.

Griffin didn't get any better than the Fly. Since he was invisible, his charade clues couldn't be seen and the Hydra had no idea of what he was trying to say. Most of the ideas were glasses or emptiness, and for some reason the Hydra's eight head suggested Lewis Carroll's book Alice Through The Looking Glass.

It seemed like the boredom would never end until Johnny suddenly pulled out something from out of his backpack: a scooter. He then began riding it around the court, showing off his tricks to everyone else. _This_ , however, fascinated the monsters more than bingo and charades. Even Wayne's pups, who had been chewing a bored skeleton's bones, rushed to the scene. Soon, it became this entire scene where the monsters eagerly took turns riding the scooter. Murray tried it, a disembodied hand tried it, and so did the werewolf pups. The Yeti tried putting his foot on it, but he slipped and landed onto the bleachers, crushing a zombie waiter in the process. Monsters were laughing, including Mavis, while Dracula, on the other hand, gasped at the sight of what he called 'lack of discipline'.

"Now this is more like it!" Hook chuckled as he and Emma still sat on the bleachers and watched the entire scene.

"This place isn't so bad after all," Emma said, completely oblivious of the death glare that Dracula was giving her.

Someone let the scooter roll off into the hands of an old gremlin lady, and unfortunately for the scooter, it was the same gremlin lady who had gobbled down Eunice's bingo card.

"I didn't do that," she said innocently once the scooter was in her belly.


	9. Pool Party

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Pool Party

"This is ridiculous," Emma told Dracula. "We don't have time to attend some stupid pool party. Hook and I need to find a way back to our own time and home _now_."

It was still nighttime, dawn still being many hours away, and everyone had now gathered to the hotel's courtyard where a giant pool full of green water was occupied by monsters. The Fly from earlier was teaching aerobic stretch exercises to a few monsters, one of them being Wayne's wife, Wanda. Some monsters were chilling in 'relaxing chairs' that looked more like pits on the pavement meant for burring someone. Frankie went to get his order or food for later; seeing the food that the monsters usually ate nearly made Emma throw up.

Speaking of the Savior, she and Hook were with Dracula, watching Johnny with Mavis, Murray, Eunice, and Wayne sitting at a table, the latters listening to Johnny telling stories about his travels. Obviously, the count was more worried about his friends and his daughter getting near the disguised human than about the other two pestering him with their time traveling problem.

"For the last time, I'll deal with your problem later," Dracula told Emma in an annoyed tone. Hook didn't take Dracula's attitude toward him very well and threatened to poke his hook at the vampire's belly, and since the hook happened to be made of silver, Dracula's clothes began to slightly burn and the count had to quickly use his cape to cover the pirate's gesture from the other monsters.

"Let's make it clear, mate," Hook glared at the vampire's blue eyes. "We don't want to be here anymore than you do, so unless you put your priorities straight and help us get back home, my hook goes in your chest and your little girl is all alone in this big castle."

"HOOK!" Emma gasped, disbelieving Hook's threat, but Dracula only hissed.

"Go ahead and kill me," he said. "Your cover will be blown and Mavis will see that everything I told her about humans were true: that your kind are heartless beasts, pursuing innocent monsters just for the sake of killing them!"

"Hook, stop it!" Emma managed to pull the pirate away. Dracula let out a quiet, yet deep gasp as he dried to inhale and exhale several times in order to quickly heal the wound that was harshly visible on his stomach. The sound of strange footsteps warned the trio to regain their composure, so they straightened themselves up when they saw Quasimodo walking towards the count.

"Monsieur Dracula, may I interest you with an omelet?" the hunchback chef asked Dracula.

"No, no. I'm not hungry," Dracula said. He had bigger concerns right now: A, keeping an eye on Johnny while he was around the other monsters, _especially_ his daughter, and B, deal with the other two humans who were so desperate to get back to their own time. Quite honestly, he didn't know why he was even bothering to help those two, including the pirate who nearly stabbed him with his silver hook. After all, Dracula could just erase their memories, make them forget about the hotel, and quick them out. Meanwhile, Quasimodo's pet rat Esmeralda was placed on top of Quasimodo's chef cap and sniffing the air until her nose caught something. She scurried down to her master's nose and squeaked at him.

"What? Esmeralda, you smell it again?" Quasimodo asked rather loudly. "HUMANS?" Realizing that they might be uncovered, Emma discretely wacked Esmeralda off Quasimodo and into the hair of an unsuspecting Eunice as if she didn't know the rat was there.

"Actually, the count, my fiancé, and I are REALLY hungry!" Emma lied.

"Yes, and you know what, I'll take 50 omelets!" Dracula joined in. He grabbed Quasimodo and tossed him towards the buffet, where the chef began to harass a gargoyle waiter. The vampire then proceeded to drag Emma and Hook with him so that they could eavesdrop on the conversation that Johnny and the others were having about his trip to the Taj Mahal.

"So how did you deal with the mobs?" Mavis asked.

"Well, it does get crazy in the summer," Johnny shrugged, "but I just kinda roll."

"He just rolls," Wayne nodded in approval. "It's cool that he rolls."

Worried that his lies might be discovered, Dracula grabbed a bagel covered with some sort of cream cheese from the nearest tray.

"Yes, yes, it's cool," he said as he stepped in between Johnny and Mavis and handed the bagel to the latter. "Look, love dumplings! I brought you a bagel with your favorite! Scream cheese!"

"Scream cheese?" Emma frowned until she saw the bagel's scream cheese literally popping upward, forming a screaming face and _literally_ screaming. Mavis got excited at the sight of the monstrous treat while the three humans, on the other hand, looked somewhat disturbed.

"Holy rabies! Thanks Dad!" she said. She tried to pass the bagel to Johnny and offer him to try some, but the latter declined, claiming that he had 'scream cheese intolerance'. When he refused, the gestures were similar concerning Emma and Hook.

"I'll pass as well," Emma said. "I ate too much during the hearse trip before coming here."

"Don't worry, love," Hook said teasingly. "I'm sure there will be plenty of scream cheese at our honeymoon." Emma shot him a glare.

"Oh yeah," Murray said. "Now that you mention it, _how_ did you two meet?"

"Must have been romantic," Eunice agreed. The monsters at the table (minus Dracula) and Johnny insisted that 'Killianstein' and 'Emmastein' told the story of how they met after they were created.

"It's nothing of a big deal." Emma tried to brush off the topic.

"Agreed," Dracula tried to side her but to no avail.

" _Excuse me_?" Hook smirked at the Savior. "If I recall correctly, our first encounter involved you hitting me on the face." Wayne did a wolf whistle while the others made gasps of astonishment.

"She slapped you on the first encounter?" Wanda asked in surprise.

"Aye she did." Hook nodded.

"Gee, and to think that I had to spend a night howling to get your attention," Wayne told Wanda.

"Hey!" Emma protested. "My slap was never a sign of affection!"

" _Sure it wasn't_ ," Killian chuckled. "Otherwise how do you explain me starting to fancy you ever since then?"

" _Oh la la_ ," Johnny said in a mocking French accent. "The smack that leads to the smooching!" Emma gave him a hot glare.

"Yes, of course," Dracula said. He grabbed Johnny and gave a look to Emma and Hook that said _'Follow me'_ before telling the red-headed boy: "Johnny, can we party plan talk and give your aunt and uncle tips for their honeymoon?" Ignoring the others' looks, he led the humans to some spare space.

"What are you doing?" Dracula angrily whispered to Johnny; the vampire was now getting by him more than with the other two. "If they find out that you're humans, they'll go bat poop!"

"Ew," Emma said.

"Relax," Johnny said casually. "No one suspects anything. The only thing that looks weird is how much whispering you're doing." He was right, for the count didn't realize that all his whispering was attracting the attention of curious bystanders. He gave a nervous grin to them before dragging the fake Steins to a secure corner where Emma slapped Johnny on the head.

"Ouch!" he complained.

"Snap out of it, Johnny!" Emma berated him. "We can't get caught!"

"Just wrap this thing up," Dracula joined in. "You will say that you are going to the pool and act excited, and then you will say you hurt your back and that you have to leave."

"And while you're at it, if anyone asks, just say that 'Killianstein' and I decided that we don't want to do our honeymoon here and that we have to go as well," Emma added. Johnny made a disappointed face before going to the pull and trying to pull his little scene.

"You know, Hotel Transylvania isn't a terrible place for a honeymoon," Dracula told Emma. Apparently, he seemed offended by what she told Johnny to say about the hotel not being a good place for the 'honeymoon'.

"The only guests I've seen so far to have a honeymoon here are a bunch of fleas," Emma said skeptically. "And Hook and I aren't dating anyway."

"Which reminds us, when are you going to tell us when you're planning to send us back to our time?" Hook asked Dracula, who rolled his eyes.

"How _desperate_ are you to go back one year into the future?" he groaned in annoyance.

"For your information, one of us is a mother who's got to get back to her son." Emma's eyes looked angrier than usual with Dracula. "He's lost his father already, I'm not going to let him lose his mother as well!"

Surprisingly to the two humans, the count's facial expression seemed to soften a bit, as if he could relate to her situation. The three of them then sent their attention the pool, where they saw that Johnny's stunt of pretending he hurt his back failed, for they saw a Gillman hop on his back and screaming: "I'm on your back!"

"No, no!" Dracula shouted.

"He said: 'Oh, my back!'" Emma joined. This didn't help at all, for now a Cyclops monster had let Mavis hop on his back and now practically every single monster had hopped into the pool and on each others backs, beginning to do a chicken fight. While everyone seemed to have a blast, including Mavis and Johnny in particular, Dracula was certainly not enjoying the scene. He did not like disorder, that was for sure.

"Okay, calm down with the Fight Chickens!" he ordered to no avail, clearly getting the name of the activity wrong. "Everybody stop the roughhousing!" Obviously, no one seemed to be paying attention. In the meantime, Frank was busy jumping of a high octopus tentacle as if it were a diving board, only for him to get himself detached once his large body hit the pool's water, much to Eunice's frustration. Wayne, in his part, played a prank on Griffin by pulling down the invisible man's swimming trunks (Emma and Hook didn't quite understand why an invisible man would need a visible bathing suit) and framing his own pups while everyone laughed at an embarrassed Griffin running away.

"Your job looks kinda hard," Emma told Dracula.

"Tell me about it," he groaned.

"I think we might have a problem." Hook pointed at Johnny, who was still in the pool, and Dracula freaked out when he realized that the boy's makeup might be starting to fall apart. He rushed to pull Johnny out of the pool, but right when he tried to do that, the Cyclops from earlier rose from underneath Johnny, allowing the young man to sit on his back while the count fell into the water.

"Oh man! I guess the Count wanted to go for a swim!" Johnny chuckled. His joke amused the other monsters while Emma and Hook just stood there.

"What's the probability that Dracula's gonna do something like dry up the pool in order to tempt Johnny out of there?" Emma asked Hook while they watched Johnny getting raised by the octopus tentacle before jumping off and screaming: "CANONBALL!" Suddenly, the pool's water level began to decrease, prompting the monsters to rush out. Seeing the water disappear made Johnny scream.

"I'd say the probability was high." Hook shrugged when he and Emma saw Dracula standing on the now dry bottom of the pool next to what looked like some sort of water plug. Using his powers, the vampire froze Johnny in midair, granting him enough time to grab and place the blob monster in the right spot where Johnny would land once Dracula unfroze him.

Quite frankly, Emma and Hook thought that Johnny went a little bit too far.


	10. Sunrise of Hope

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Sunrise of Hope

Fog was filling the graveyard that filled the hotel's perimeters, hiding the upcoming dawn as Dracula carried Johnny by his shirt's collar, preventing the young man's feet from touching the ground, while an angry Emma and Hook followed.

"Oh, you messed up, baby!" Dracula angrily told at Johnny. "You messed up big time! I told you to take it down! You'll ruin my hotel if they find out."

"Maybe you're just jealous that people are finally having fun at this place!" snapped Johnny.

"Or maybe _you_ are such an attention whore busy making a fool of yourself while we are desperately trying to get back to our own timeline!" Hook said.

"And _that_ out there?" Dracula put Johnny down while exclaiming and doing weird body gestures. " _That_ was not fun! Everyone running, jumping, and swimming with no order? That was the opposite of fun!"

Emma and Hook frowned as they watched Dracula and Johnny argue. Well, they did both mentally agree that Dracula had a control freak perspective on how to entertain. Personally, if the pirate captain and the Savior had to define fun in their own words, it would have been sailing and eating ice cream with Henry respectively.

"Do you even know what fun is?" Johnny asked Dracula.

" _I invented fun!_ " snapped Dracula.

Johnny crossed his arms and grumbled something about the wrong people getting to be immortal. Dracula made an angry face before getting into the stereotypical vampire pose that Emma usually saw at Halloween and his eyes glowing in a red hue.

" _Look at me_ ," he told Johnny as if to hypnotize him. " _You remember nothing of this encounter. You have no memory of this place or the monsters you met. Now go and never return!_ "

"Swan, he's erasing his memories!" Hook realized out loud.

"Wait, never return to the hotel?"

"UH?" the three adults said in unison. Emma frowned, Hook was dumbfounded, and Dracula looked confused. For some reason, Dracula's attempt to hypnotize Johnny didn't work.

"You were supposed to forget the hotel," Dracula said as he pointed between Johnny's eyes. "I used my powers to erase your memories, I looked straight into your eyes!"

Johnny pondered a bit before saying: "Uh. Oh, maybe it's the contact lenses!"

"The what?" Hook asked in confusion. As he was still a fish out of temporal water, he had no idea of what contact lenses were.

"These little plastic thingies that help me see better. Here, let me just get them out real quick..." He began to put his fingers on one of his eyeballs in order to attempt removing the contact lens, which caused Hook and Dracula to both freak out.

"UGH! THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I'VE EVER SEEN!" exclaimed Dracula in a squeamish tone.

"Almost got it..." Johnny said.

"Stop doing that, Johnny!" Hook begged. "Fingers away from the eyeballs!"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Dracula as he grabbed Johnny's hands and made him stop his creepy scenario. Emma had been snickering all this time about how silly men could be.

" _Listen to me_ ," Dracula threatened Johnny in a tone that even freaked out Emma and Hook, especially when the vampire's angry threats made Johnny shrink like a child being scolded by his parents, "you are never to return here. You are to stay away and never tell other humans about this place. Or I will track you down suck every ounce of blood from your body **until you look like a deflated Whoopee cushion!** "

"But...what about Emma and..." Johnny began before Dracula cut him off and told him once more to leave. Johnny huffed and left, hands in his pockets, until his silhouette disappeared into the shadows.

"Finally! I thought he'd never leave!" Dracula groaned in relief before clasping his hands together. "OK, now I can worry about your time portal and I won't have to worry about other monsters discovering your presence in my hotel!"

"That's fine by me, mate," Hook said with a smug.

"Good, because I was getting tired of that honeymoon charade," Emma grumbled as she and the men began to head back to the hotel.

"Oh, because I suppose you're still not tired of running away from home?" Hook glared at Emma.

"Hook, we had this discussion!"

"Yes, spare me of your constant excuses of not wanting to stay in Storybrooke with your family because you want your son to have a normal life in the Land Without Magic!" Hook replied angrily. "You saw how happy he was once he got his memories back and Regina broke the curse and defeated the Wicked Witch! For once you could have been happy staying with your family, united after all the odds you went through, but you'd rather go to some place like New York and keep running from home!" He walked ahead of Emma and didn't speak to her for the rest of the trip back to Hotel Transylvania. As much as he preferred to mind his own business, Dracula seemed to be noticing with curiosity the argument between the two humans, especially when it came to the part of Emma's family.

They got to the castle and, after successfully dodging monsters, they got to the library, which was empty at the moment and left room for the trio to search for clues concerning opening a time portal.

"These two aisles contain books concerning portal creations and other travel manners," Dracula showed them two old-fashioned book aisles similar to those in universities. "Everything is sorted in alphabetical order."

"Well then!" Hook said gruffly before heading towards the second aisle. "I'll be all the way at Z. And please don't feel like catching up to me."

Emma said nothing while Hook left for the aisle, leaving her to deal with the first aisle.

"Is he your lover?" Dracula bluntly asked Emma, causing her to blush.

"What? No! He's just...an acquaintance," Emma said. Dracula didn't buy seem to buy it.

"So...you have a son?"

Emma grabbed the first book that started with 'A'. "Yes." She was not liking how Dracula was starting to ask her questions.

"You love your son Henry very much, don't you?"

Emma froze when the vampire said Henry's name out loud. She turned to face the count. "How did you...Don't tell me you read my thoughts," she begged. Honestly, she didn't want this to turn into a Twilight scene.

"A twelve-year-old boy born from the Savior and the Dark One's offspring, bearing the Heart of the Truest Believer in him, adopted by the Evil Queen Regina, only one aware of the First Dark Curse before it was broken, and cleverer than one can believe," Dracula said as he crossed his arms.

"That's enough," Emma nearly snapped. She didn't need a reminder that Henry was one of the reasons why she needed to return to Storybrooke.

"Your protective nature over your son is understandable, but why you'd want him and yourself to stay away from your true family is a complete riddle to me."

"You wouldn't understand..."

"Human, I may be a count, a vampire, and a hotel owner/manager, but I am also a father. I've been raising Mavis since she was a baby while running Hotel Transylvania at the same time. But did you seriously think that this sanctuary was only created to protect monsters from the cruelties of your kind? Didn't it ever occur to you that I have my own reasons for fearing my daughter leaving the hotel grounds?"

Emma blinked, baffled by what the count had just said. She had completely forgotten how protective he was towards Mavis, especially whenever the three humans were near. But was there another, more emotional reason behind all this?

"I'll come back in an hour or two to check up on you two," Dracula said as he began to make his way towards the doors of the library. "I've made my own arrangements with my friends at the spa. Please try to avoid getting into trouble and running into other monsters."

"We'll stay put, milord!" Hook said in acknowledgement.

"It's Count and thank you!" There was a slight hint of amusement in the vampire's voice before he left the humans alone in their research to find a way back home.


	11. Results, Kitchens, and Portraits

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

Results, Kitchens, and Portraits

It must have been hours since Emma and Hook were in the library. The sun was fully rising while a sentient knight armor pulled the green curtains over the windows to keep the light from coming in while Emma and Hook were busy continuing there research.

"Why the curtains, mate?" Hook asked as he lifted his head from the stack of books he was reading on one of the large tables that had been used last night at the bingo game. Coincidentally, it was the same board that he had scratched with his hook out of boredom. "It's still day out."

"After so many years of hiding in the dark from humans, monsters are used to sleeping once the sun is out," the armor said. "Especially vampires."

"So the Draculas are now in bed?" Hook hoped it wasn't the case, for he and Emma needed to be back home pronto and they needed Count Dracula's help for that.

"Miss Mavis should be by now, but as manager and owner of Hotel Transylvania, the Count is a busy man. He still has things in his schedule to do for his daughter's birthday party tonight."

"I see."

"Would you care for a drink, sir?" the armor offered. "It could be a good refreshment for your reading."

"Uh, sure. Is there any bloody sangria?"

"Ah, a delicious delicacy. But since the Count doesn't do human blood, we only serve bloody sangria made of Blood Beaters. I'll go to the kitchen and tell Chef Quasimodo to make you a nice warm cup."

The armor saluted Hook and walked out of the library, stomping his way out in a military style.

"That bloody vampire sure knows how to run a castle full of monsters," Hook smirked. Just as he was about to go back to his research, Emma ran out of an aisle with a red open book in hand.

"I found it!" Emma slammed the book onto the table in front of Hook, nearly making the pirate jump.

"Easy there, Swan! Do you want me to get a heart attack?"

"Look!" She pointed at some writing on the open page 666. "'Spell For Time Travelers: A Basic Trick'."

"Rather amateurish for a title, if you ask me." Hook read the rest of the page. "It looks like the ingredients of a potion."

"Most of them seem like ingredients you'd find in a kitchen." Emma got up. "Let's go to the kitchen and ask Chef Quasimodo."

"Hold on, Swan." Hook held out his hand to pause Emma. "Three things we should take into account. The first is that if we go to the kitchen asking for ingredients, that hunchback might suspect us and we might get our cover blown. The second is that the ingredients in kitchen are more like those you'd find at Granny's, but in a monster hotel?"

Emma grimaced. Hook was right. As long as they were still in the hotel, they were still going as Emmastein and Killianstein, Johnnystein's soon-to-be-married aunt and uncle. Until they got back to their own time, no one could know that they were human.

"And lastly," Killian added, "aside from those kitchen-based ingredients, we need a vampire's brokenhearted tear. Pray do tell me how we're supposed to get this one?"

Before Emma could say anything, the doors burst open and a sentient knight armor stepped in. Whether or not it was the same armor that went to fetch Hook's sangria remains a mister. "I beg your pardon, sir and madam, but we have an emergency from the Count!" He told them.

"What emergency?" Emma asked.

"Quasimodo has your nephew and their headed towards the kitchen. In the meantime, he wants you to remain here in the library, hide from any other monster's sight, and not move until he and the rest of my armor fellows stop Quasimodo."

"The hunchback has Johnny?" Hook exclaimed.

"We can't just stay here!" Emma protested. "Johnny needs us!"

Footsteps could be heard coming from the hallway. "Hide!" the armor said. Without hesitating, the humans hid behind an aisle full of books in a way that hid them well from anyone else in the library but give them at least a little view from the shelves. The doors opened and in came Dracula, walking with his daughter Mavis within the library.

"Look, Honey, there's no falling in love at your age," Dracula was heard telling his daughter. Hook and Emma glanced at one another. Mavis? In love? And Dracula seemed against it?

"Mom was my age," Mavis replied to her father teasingly. "Eunice even said that Mom kissed you first because you were too scared to make the first move."

An embarrassed groan came out of Dracula, making the humans silently giggle. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, forget about me and mom and kissing."

"Dad, at one point I'm going to be married!" Mavis paced around the library floor. "I'm not going to stay here forever!"

"What? Why not? You barely got out of your training fangs!"

"Hm, sounds like somebody I know." Hook winked at Emma. She glared back at him.

"Dad, I'm not sixty anymore. Besides, why can't _I_ be with a special someone? I mean, Mom was yours, Wanda with Wayne, Aunt Eunice with Uncle Frank, and Emma and Killian..."

"Honeybat, all those relationships that you've listed are those filled with several issues. Frankie gets henpecked on by his wife, the werewolves have too many pups, and Emma and Killian are constantly bickering over their so-called different point of views. I've been hearing that they might be considering to cancel their own wedding! Do you want to end up in a relationship that could bring you misfortune?"

"Well, no..."

"And your mommy? Do you remember what happened to _her_? And _who_ killed her?"

Dracula's words hit the humans a bit. For one, Emma felt relieved that soon, thanks to the count's words, she won't have to act as Hook's fiancée, but it kind of stung her how the way Mavis wanting to be in a relationship and her father being against it because of how much he wanted to protect her reminded her of how Emma might have been neglecting Henry's desire to remain in Storybrooke. And Hook could feel Mavis' situation very well...

"But why all the sudden interest? Dracula continued while Mavis observed a fat bust. "Everytime we used to talk about love, it was always 'Ew, that's gross' and 'Ew, Dad! I don't want to know about that!'"

Mavis sighed as she watched her index finger brush away the dust from the bust. "I don't know..."

The library doors burst open and in came a knight armor. "Sir! He made it into the kitchen!"

"HE WHAT?! What do I pay you for?" Dracula shouted before telling his daughter in a sweet tone: "I'm sorry, Honey, I...I've gotta go!"

"Wait, I'm coming!" Emma rushed out of her hiding spot and followed Drac. "I need to see if my fiancé's sangria is getting ready."

"Wait, Swan!" Hook called out to Emma. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Keep Mavis company with you and your sappy stories!" Emma shouted back.

Mavis looked at Hook with a confused look. He chuckled nervously, and the guard told them something before leaving. "He doesn't pay me."

 _A few seconds later, in the kitchen_

"AH!" Johnny yelped as Quasimodo prepared to cook Johnny like a pig roast on a Thanksgiving plate over a fireplace. "Before you kill me, can I please talk to my backpack one more time? I don't wanna leave anything unresolved."

The doors bursted open and in came Dracula and Emma. "Ah, bonsoir Monsieur Dracula and Miss Emmastein," Quasimodo continued trying to cook Johnny. "Or should I say, Emma Swan the Savior?"

Emma stiffened next to Dracula. "H...How did you know I was the..."

"Oh, not too difficult, really," Quasimodo shrugged before his tone got angry and he pointed his frying pan at her. "Except my beloved Esmeralda managed to sniff the odor of King Claude, your mother Snow White's ancestor, on your human flesh. The same King Claude that caused me to be expelled from my cathedral!"

"Shut your hump hole!" Dracula told Quasimodo while he used his vampire speed to free Johnny from being roasted and grabbed Emma by her arm, pulling them towards the door, only to be blocked by Quasimodo hanging from a chain as if he were a performer for the Cirque du Soleil.

"Now why are you helping them, Monsieur?" Quasimodo frowned at the Count while the latter shielded the humans behind his cape with protection. "What is it with you and these humans? And why are you helping the descendant of that cursed monster hunting king?"

 _Monster hunting king_? Emma pondered mentally. _I had an ancestor who was a monster hunter_?

"They are NOT humans, they are Steins!" Dracula barked at Quasimodo in an irritated tone.

"That's right, little man! We're STEINS!" Johnny sided with Dracula while Emma said nothing. But Quasimodo did not look convinced.

"If they really are monsters, then let the young one scare Esmeralda!" The hunchback told the vampire while gesturing at Johnny and then at the evil, human-sniffing rodent that stood on a barrel.

"The mouse?" Dracula scoffed. "Without a doubt." His overconfident tone did not reassure Emma, but she still encouragingly pushed Johnny towards the rat. He tried to scare off Esmeralda with 'monster' faces and noises that a trick-or-treater would accomplish on Halloween, but the rat was more unimpressed than the other people in the kitchen. It only took one small, deadpan squeak to come out of her mouth and scare Johnny himself. With the proof that a mere rat scared the boy, Quasimodo began screaming and swinging around the kitchen like a feral monkey.

"HUMANS! HUMANS! Monsieur Dracula has brought HUMANS into the..."

With a wave of his arm and a couple blue mist, Dracula froze the chef, making the petrified body land stiffly on the kitchen floor. Without a word, the trio left the kitchen.

 _Later_

"Johnny, how come you're still in Hotel Transylvania?" Emma asked the redhead as they walked down the hallway with Dracula. "I thought Dracula..."

"Told me to never go back?" Johnny said. "Yeah. I was planning on leaving, but I ran into Mavis in the graveyard and she took me into a secret passage that led to the castle's rooftop and, you know, we kind of chatted and I helped her watch her first sunrise from the shadows. She thought it was cool."

"Wait. You were with _Mavis_?" Emma quickly glanced from Johnny to Dracula and vice versa. _Is it...what I think it is?_

"Yeah, but I kinda tripped onto some old tiles and fell through the ceiling and into the spa where Dracula was chilling with his friends. He didn't look so happy to see me, and while I constantly asked where you and Hook were, he took me to this room where there were these floating tables that he wanted to be sorted, but in the end we had fun...And that's when the hunchback came in, gagged me, and lifted me on his back in order to take me to the kitchen."

Emma stared at Dracula in disbelief. "Johnny was back at the hotel...and you didn't tell us?" The vampire, who looked unusual morose, said nothing.

"Hey, thanks for the save back there," Johnny told Dracula. "That guy was crazy, trying to eat us. This only happened to me one other time, with this weird dude at a Slipknot concert."

They stopped in front of a door that looked very much like the other hotel room doors, but this one had no number on it. "There's something I need to show you two," Dracula said quietly. He opened the door and the trio stepped into the darkest room that the humans have ever been in the hotel so far. Johnny coughed a bit from the thick dust that was floating in the air while Emma watched Dracula grab a lit candelabra from a rusty marble table. The small lights from the candles did not make the darkness any lighter. After looking around even further, they saw that the windows were well blinded from any solar source, that an old coffin was standing in the middle of a marble platform like in a temple altar, and that a large curtain was covering half of what appeared to be the portrait of a beautiful dark-haired woman dressed in black robes. Emma noticed how sadly Dracula's blue eyes stared at the picture.

"Hey, are we at a funeral right now?" Johnny asked out loud. His comment made sense because with all the darkness provided in this room's atmosphere, it felt like death was nearby. Johnny then spotted the coffin and chuckled like a fan boy. "Oh, wait. No, it's your bed! So creepy and cool!" He then glanced at the portrait the others were looking at and gasped. "Wow! Hey, I know her!"

"You do?" Emma frowned.

"Yeah! I've seen that picture at the ruins of Lubov."

"Lubov?" Then it hit Emma. "I remember! When Hook and I ran into you, you said you were coming back from visiting the castle Lubov."

"It was my favorite castle," Johnny said. "And there was a whole legend around that lady."

"A legend?" A puzzled Dracula asked, now getting interested. Johnny took Dracula's candelabra and held it up so that the adults could have a better view of the painted lady while he told the story.

"The Lady Lubov. The story goes that she met a lonely Count by chance, and they say no two souls were ever more meant for each other. Eventually, they settled down at Castle Lubov and had a child. But then, a horrible tragedy happened. A fire mysterious started one night, and it killed both of them."

"That's...horrible." Emma felt tears springing from her eyes as Johnny finished the story.

"When I was at the castle, I could still feel their powerful love. They say it's as if a soul is still trapped in the ruins themselves."

There was a brief moment of silence. Through the darkness, Emma felt a moment of nostalgia as she thought of how Johnny's story about the Castle Lubov legend reminded him so much of her parents' story: Snow White and Prince Charming falling in love at first sight, supposedly destined for one another, and settling in a castle while expecting a child until Regina's Dark Curse came and ruined that happy ending. It was so odd. In Emma's mind, it felt like the connection between her history and the legend of the castle Johnny visited just before he met Emma and Hook were somehow connected with one another. Was that why the time portal took them to Transylvania?

Meanwhile, Dracula had said nothing during Johnny's narration and stood still, his silhouette standing out despite his chambers' insanely deep darkness.

"The legend is _wrong_ ," he said quietly.

Johnny looked startled. Emma was puzzled. "What?"

"It was only the wife that died." Dracula grabbed the curtain and pulled it down, dragging the curtain until it hit the floor and revealed the portrait fully, startling the humans when they saw that the painted lady, the 'Lady Lubov', was standing with none other than Dracula himself while the two of them were holding hands. Which meant...

"Mavis' mom..." Emma realized.

"Countess Martha Lubov Dracula," Dracula said quietly. "And it was no mystery who killed her." He gritted his teeth and his icy blue eyes eerily glowed as he told the humans. " _SHE WAS KILLED BY YOUR KIND!_ "

"What...happened back then?" Johnny asked.

"Barely months after Mavis was born, our family was being attacked by a mob of villagers. They surrounded our castle and threatened to burn us in it. I tried to reason with them while my wife took our baby into hiding, but it was too late. Some villager managed to come in and stab her with a wooden stake. I was able to grab Mavis and fly us out of our castle before the humans burned it to the ground. THEY are the real monsters."

Johnny and Emma sighed deeply as Dracula continued his story. "I built this place for my love," he motioned the room they were in, "to protect her child. As a father, you do everything to keep your family safe, even if you have to break their trust. But now," he looked directly at Johnny, "Mavis has feelings for you."

"Wait. Mavis...likes Johnny?" So that's why Dracula had tried to persuade Mavis out of considering being in a relationship back at the library? Because she liked a guy...who wasn't a monster?

Johnny was stammering in surprise, clearly not expecting such news. He eventually sighed happily: "Awesome."

"It's alright, you are a good one." Dracula smiled briefly before his face saddened. "If the world was different, maybe it would be possible."

"Drac, this is the 21st century," the redhead told the vampire. "People aren't the same as they were back then..."

"Can you tell me for certain that if we came out in the open, everyone would accept us? _Everyone_?"

The tough question that came out of the count's lips hit the humans hard, for he was right. Even Emma knew based from general knowledge of the Land Without Magic and from her time in Storybrooke that even if most people move on, others don't. Some people today idolize monsters and aren't afraid of them and then some others still do because they define 'monster' as anything that's not human.

"No, you're right," Emma said as she glanced back at the portrait of Dracula and Martha. "We can't prove anything."

Johnny nodded in agreement and handed the candelabra back to Dracula. "This time I'll go for good this time. You can just say I had some emergency or the gremlin lady ate me and that Emma and Hook broke up and cancelled their wedding."

"No, no, no," Dracula said as he placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder in order to prevent him and Emma from leaving. "I don't want to ruin Mavis' birthday. You can sneak out and I'll help Emma and Hook with their time portal once it's all done."

"We're sorry," Emma said. "The last thing we ever wanted was to hurt Mavis..."

"Or you." Johnny nodded.

"Well, you aren't the smoothest Frankensteins," Dracula said with a shrug and a grin, "but you might make great vampires."

Emma chuckled at his comment.

"Really?" Johnny got excited. "'Cause I think I got your hypno eyes down!"

"Oh no," Emma laughed.

"Here we go, let us see it," Dracula rolled his eyes as if he was going to be amused. They watched as Johnny went under a window, put an arm over his face like a stereotypical vampire and his cape, and walked out of the shadows and spoke with an accent similar to Dracula's. "Beware! For you are now in my command and I demand you to be the Werewolf Man and the Bride of Frankenstein!"

Dracula made a fake wolf howl until he started mimicking Wayne's voice. "I have too many kids!" The three of them bursted into laughs

"Frank! If you hurt yourself, you'll be hearing from me!" Emma shook her hands up dramatically in the best Eunice pose she could do. Her imitation of Frankie's wife made the boys laugh harder.

"Someone scratch me! I have fleas!" Drac added.

"Because he's a wolf and he gets those?" Emma asked as they got out of the room, still laughing their heads off.

"Yeah, no, don't explain it." Dracula shook his head. "It's not funny."


	12. The Party and the Return

There's No Place Like Hotel Transylvania:

The Party and the Return

"And then you have the Southern Seas, a good place to go hunting for lost pearl treasures by the seashore. Although you gotta be careful: the local mermaids are known for trying to lure you to death with their singing."

Hook had spent almost all morning telling Mavis the stories of his travels as a pirate and showing her some of the places based on whatever books about the Enchanted Forest he could find in the monster library. Of course, he did have to twist the stories a bit in the sense that he could make them sound more like a monster point of view story rather than a human point of view.

"It sounds so amazing," Mavis said as they put away the books back on the shelves. As she spoke, Hook made sure that he grabbed the time traveling spell book and hid it in his jacket. "You must miss being a pirate..."

"What makes you think I gave up such a career?" Hook asked.

"You mean you're still a pirate even though you're going to get married? How lucky."

"Indeed."

"Out of curiosity, was it a big step for you when you fell in love with Emma? I mean, you two were both made by different scientists."

 _Right._ Hook forgot that the monster charade was still going on.

"Well, you see lass, some people have to make big sacrifices for the person they love because most of the time it's either their way of showing how much they love you or because it's how they thing best to raise you." He gave her an example. "Your father, for instance: he may seem a little overprotective by having you stay here rather than go out into the human world, but it's his way of saying he cares for you and just worries about you getting hurt."

Mavis sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"I haven't really told this to anyone, but at one point before we were engaged, Emma and I were separated for a long time. I tried to find a way to reach her, and in the end, I managed to find a way back to her...in exchange for trading my ship, the JOLLY ROGER." Hook grimaced a bit about the memory of his beloved ship and how he traded it for a magic bean just to find Emma and warn her about the curse.

"You sacrificed your ship for Emma?" Mavis gasped. "That's so sweet!"

"Aye," Hook agreed.

A knight armor came to tell Hook that the Count needed him to help with the party preparations, so he and Mavis split ways, her heading for her room to decide which cape to wear and him to go find Dracula. Both of them were unaware that Emma had heard everything from the doorway, shocked at how she misjudged Hook.

 _Later that night_

 _Girl! I can't believe it's your night!_

 _You ate the frog, now the party's so right!_

 _Girl! You used to suck a binkie, look at ya now!_

 _Sucking blood right outta the cow!_

 _Where did the time go, girl?_

Frankie, Wayne, Griffin, and Murray were now paying a cooler, pop version of their song thanks to Johnny's help. Now, all the monsters at Hotel Transylvania and the disguised humans were having a blast at the monster dance party with flashing lights and flying tables that beat almost every known disco party in the world.

"This is how they party in this world? Your kind, I mean," Hook told Emma as they stood by the banquet table and faked drinking bloody sangria in order to avoid getting attention from the other monsters. After all, they still had to keep the charade until the party was over.

"Maybe, but the monsters are doing a better job." Emma commented. She then spotted Mavis flying as a bat onto the dance floor and morphing back into her usual self, only while wearing a cape like her father's this time. Johnny was seen showing Mavis his special colorful fireflies touch involving glowing displays of places around the world like Paris, New York City, Moscow, and Hawaii (though Emma still didn't understand why it was spelled 'Haweewee').

"Surprisingly, for youngsters of different species, they make a rather good couple," Hook noted as they saw the two of them dance. They stopped watching when they saw Dracula coming at them after passing a crowd of clients congratulating him for outdoing himself this year.

"I managed to concoct the time traveling potion you need with the ingredients from the kitchen," Dracula said. "Just add the last ingredient and wish your location before drinking it."

"Good," Emma said excitedly. "I really need to get back to my family and apologize to them, so we'll need one of your brokenhearted tears..."

"Wait, what?" Dracula blinked.

"In order for the spell to work, we need the brokenhearted tear of a vampire," Hook explained.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but we need you to cry." Emma held out a small vial just like the one Mr. Gold had used to collect tears from Mary Margaret.

"But vampires are tough to cry," Dracula said. "After dealing with a certain emotional experience, it's hard to cry just from remembering it years later. Honestly, the last time I cried was when Martha died and that was about 118 years ago."

"Great," Emma muttered. "Now how the Hell are we going to get that tear?"

Just as she finished saying that, one of the sentient knight armors got Dracula's attention and pointed him a scene that made the vampire stiffen in horror as if he had been struck by lightning.

His daughter was kissing Johnny.

Hook and Emma tried catching up to the vampire as he flew through the crowd as blue mist and appeared in front of Johnny in his full form.

"How could you?" the Count said angrily. "After I shared my pain with you?" Johnny stammered, trying to find a good excuse.

"Dad, it was just a kiss," Mavis said rather happily.

"No! You're not allowed to kiss!"

"Dad, I'm allowed to do things. I'm not 83 anymore! I'm allowed to like people or go see the world again."

Dracula looked horrified as he grabbed his daughter's shoulders. "WHAT? But you saw it! Y...You said that you didn't like it!"

"Maybe I want to give the village another chance. I just got to learn, you know. How to roll with it like Johnny does."

"Village?" Hook asked Emma as the vampires continued to argue. "Does he mean..."

"BECAUSE THE VILLAGE DOESN'T REALLY EXIST!"

The music stopped playing. Frankie broke one of his guitar strings. Now everyone was staring at Dracula, especially Mavis, who looked at her father with hurt confusion. "What do you mean...'doesn't exist'?" she asked.

"What did you _do?"_ a disapproving Frankie demanded.

"Non-existing village... _Wait a minute_." Hook realized and glared at Dracula. "The fake village setup Emma, Johnny, and I spotted on our way here, the one being torn down, was _your doing_?"

"I...I did what I had to do," Dracula replied flatly.

"What was it? What exactly did you have to do? TELL ME!" The way his demanding daughter sounded so angry and determined to get an answer out of him made the guilty count answer.

"I...I built the town," he confessed. "The staff put it all together and the zombies dressed up as the townspeople." A couple of zombie bellhops groaned in agreement.

Mavis turned from her father, making her emotionally injure face visible to the disguised humans.

"Please, I... If you really went out there and something happened to you, I...I...I just couldn't live with myself!"

"But you could live like _this_?" Mavis snapped angrily at him. "Lying to me? Tricking me? Keeping me here forever when you knew my dream was to go?"

"I've seen abusive parents," Hook agreed with the teen vampire "I've seen those who abandon their children for power, force them into lives they don't desire, or even push away from the truth with lies, but this? Building a phony village and having your servants dress up as a human mob to scare your daughter back into your expecting arms? You disgust me on so many levels!" Emma shook her head in disappointment, agreeing with Hook on the matter.

"Killian's right, Drac!" Frankie scolded at the Count. "Humans may be awful, but you cheating on Mavis' trust is _beneath_ you!"

The saddened and guilty Dracula began to open his mouth to say something until some sort of loud groaning came and the next thing you knew, the still-frozen Chef Quasimodo came into the ballroom, being carried on a wheelbarrow pushed his ratty assistant Esmeralda.

He said something in a muffled voice, but nobody understood what he was trying to say. Knowing what the hunchback wanted to do, Dracula looked like he was doomed.

"Oil?" Murray tried to guess what the incomprehensible Quasimodo was saying.

"Uh-uh! Uh-uh!" Quasimodo kept saying in gibberish while Emma and Hook cautiously got Johnny's attention and urged him to discreetly follow them out of here.

"English, please!" Eunice groaned. "Your voice is really annoying!"

The Fly flew towards Quasimodo and translated for him. "Wait, I speak frozen. He says 'Dracula has brought humans into the hotel'."

All the monsters gasped in a mix of shock and fear, clearly not believing that Count Dracula would do such a thing. The disguised humans were inches away of reaching the open doors until the nasty Esmeralda shut them close.

"He says 'There is ze humans'." The Fly continued to translate Quasimodo's muffled gibberish. "He has a French accent." Great, now the humans were the center of the attention.

"They aren't humans! Johnny's my right arm cousin and Emma and Killian are his relatives, you liar!" Frankie glared at Quasimodo.

"Yeah, and why is he picking his nose?" Griffin asked.

More muffling. "He says 'It's a long story'," the Fly translated. Just as he said that, Esmeralda began to harass the humans perfectly enough for them to accidently smear off their makeup with their yanking arms, revealing their human natures.

Quasimodo muffled something. "He says 'Behold the humans, one of them being the descendant of that human king who hunted us centuries ago!'" The Fly translated.

The sight of the revealed humans made all the monsters scream and run around in frenzy around the ballroom.

"Swan, we have to get one of Mavis' tears!" Hook said as they tried pushing through the crowd and reach her just as she approached Johnny and sadly asked him if it was true they were humans. "With the state she's in right now, she must be obviously be heartbroken!"

"I know! If only we could get through!" Emma groaned. "EVERYBODY, FREEZE!" She thrust her arms out, causing a wave of light magic to freeze everyone in the ballroom. Emma gasped and stared at her hands. "I...I got my magic back!"

Without any delay, they rushed to the frozen Mavis and Johnny, right when it seemed like Johnny was going to reject Mavis' acceptance of loving a human in order to save both her and Dracula. With her magic, Emma first unfroze Mavis, who blinked in surprise.

"I'm sorry, Mavis," she said apologetically. "Killian and I didn't mean to hurt you at all. We just stayed around because your dad had a time traveling spell that could get us back home and Johnny just tagged along for tourism."

"So, you weren't going to hurt us?" Mavis asked. Emma nodded. Mavis turned to Hook. "And those stories you told me..."

"Were true with a small monster touch," Hook admitted.

"We'll be going back home soon, but we need a vampire's heartbroken tear to finish the spell." Emma said. She showed Mavis the small vial.

"Can't you stay?" Mavis begged. "Maybe with Johnny you could convince all the other monsters..."

"Lass, some humans have changed their opinions on you over the years, but some others haven't," Hook said.

"Besides, I have my own family to get back to: my parents, my son...And I owe them an apology." Emma held Mavis by the hands. "Mavis, your dad may not seem like the dream parent, but everything he did for you was out of love and because he thought he knew what was best for you. Believe me, I've been on that road with my son. One day, he'll have to understand that you need to be a little more independent."

Mavis looked sadly at them before hugging them. "I will miss you guys," she said. A tear rolled down her cheek and fell into the vial.

"Good-bye," Emma said sadly before freezing her again with her magic. She looked at Killian and then at the crowd of monsters. "Maybe we should erase their memories of us. So that way we can let them go back to their own story?"

"Aye," Killian said. He watched as Emma sent waves of magic around the heads of every monster and Johnny to make sure that they never remembered of these time travelers. As soon as it was done and Emma and Killian made their way out of the ballroom and into the kitchen, everyone was unfrozen and Johnny left the hotel claiming that he hated monsters, and Mavis and all the others turning their backs at Dracula for ruining her birthday and lying about having a human-free hotel respectively. By the time Emma and Hook applied the tear into the potion and drank it, teleporting them out of this, Dracula and Mavis were having a talk about Martha's birthday present for Mavis. Seconds later, Hook and Emma found themselves back in Zelena's barn in Storybrooke in the proper time and rushed back at Granny's, not knowing the fact that a speck of dust that got caught into Killian's jacket back in Hotel Transylvania had gone through the spell with them and was now floating towards the forest.

 _Later at Granny's, during the christening of Neal Nolan_

"'And then Dracula, thanks to some guidance of mysterious guardian angels, returned Jonathan to Mavis, making the human man confess to the vampire girl that their 'zing' was mutual and Dracula realize that his daughter was all grown-up and old enough to make her own decisions. The monsters finished celebrating the party, Mavis and Johnny went to explore the world together, and a new relationship between monsters and humans began from now on.'"

Henry finished reading the new pages that appeared in his book to his baby uncle while his grandparents, mother, and Killian were listening.

"That was some insane time traveling field trip," Mary Margaret commented.

"I know." Emma grinned. "Fortunately, it has taught me one thing: if there's no place like Hotel Transylvania, then there's no place like home."

"So we're staying in Storybrooke?" Henry asked happily.

"Yep."

"There's still one thing I still haven't learned from this insane adventure," Killian admitted. "Quasimodo said that Emma was the descendant of a monster hunting king."

"I can explain that," Mary Margaret said. "My father used to say that before his kingdom was built, the land was packed with monsters that would harm humans. So our ancestor, King Ivan the First, hunted them out of the land and created the kingdom in which he began the first ruler from a lineage of future great kings."

"So I, the Savior, am descended from a monster hunter?" Emma smirked, rather amused. "Talk about Van Hellsing much."

"Well, as long as there are no monsters nastier than those we've already met, we should be good," David said as he leaned down on his seat and drank from his cup of coffee.

 _Meanwhile, back in the forest_

The speck Killian had unknowingly dragged into this place had managed to make his way into a distant clearing in the Storybrooke Forest. It first stood in midair, doing nothing.

Then, it began to grow glowing tentacles that grew and wiggled in a maze pattern that splashed onto the ground. The weird new mass of muck began to grow upward like a mutated weed and take a humanoid form that turned solid and exploded, leaving a living creature to stand there.

The creature panted as he struggled to get up on his wooden peg leg and balance himself with his demonic bat wings, one of them being crippled and handled with a mechanical brace. His clawed hands felt his entire body and sighed in relief when he saw that he still had his usual dark skin, bat ears with the right one notched, his black-and-purple uniform, his sword, and his ambition.

"Talk about uncomfortable," he muttered. "But disguising myself as a speck of dust in that pathetic monster sanctuary was worth it." He chuckled as his golden eyes with red irises gleamed with evil malevolence in the dark night. "Now, to get my revenge on the codfish."

THE END

(imitating the voice they make in the OUAT trailers)

Storybrooke, prepare yourself for the arrival of the darkest villain you've ever met!

Emma: They saw a 'bat-headed' person attack them.

Fidget: (to Killian) Hello, codfish...

The adventure continues, as Fidget the Bat comes to Storybrooke. Follow his arrival in A BAT IN STORYBROOKE and his backstory in FIDGET, BATRISHAN PRINCE OF DARKNESS.


End file.
